Lana's Song

Lana is an orphan in Ukraine. Not a true orphan I guess; more of a "social orphan". As best as I could learn, she has a Mother and maybe an Aunt that visits her and her younger sibling and older brother who also live at the orphanage. On the one hand, you look at a kid like this and think 'how in the world could a parent give up such a precious child'? But on the other hand...maybe the Mother did the most loving thing she could do.

The fact remains nevertheless, that the kids that grow up in orphanages in Ukraine and in so many other places around the world have the deck stacked against them in so many ways. It may be better than nothing; it may be better than living at home where the mother is apparently unable to care for her. But the chances this kid has in life are slim at best.

Lana became my friend during a Camp here in Ukraine. At times it seemed like she liked playing with my Ipod or my Telephone more than she liked me. She pouted when I said "no". She got jealous when I gave attention to other kids. But time and again she sought me out to hold her hand while walking across campus. She would take me everywhere and tell the other kids "he understands a little Russian" (in Russian, of course!). Sometimes we were able to communicate with my childlike Russian abilities. And then there were times when it was OK not to say anything and we would just stare into one another's eyes.

It was during one of those moments when I was "inspired" to write a song. Understand...I've tried to write songs before and I've never...NEVER...been able to do it. But later that night, this one came to me. It's long and it's probably still a work in progress. The music is still pretty one-dimensional and needs some work. But here it is:

Today we laughed and we played
you were running after me
I wasn't trying to get away.
And as we grew tired
you climbed up on my knees
I was looking down at you
You were looking up at me.

And when I look in your eyes
this is what I see
I see a wounded little heart asking questions of me
Will I leave you like the others?
Will I forget what I see?
Will I remember your name?
Will I remember your needs?

When I look into your eyes
this is what I see
I see sweet little Jesus looking back at me.
I see doubts and fears
I see pain and needs
I see your longing for a family
I see your hopes and your dreams.

And as I stared deep into
the windows of your soul
the thought occurred to me that you were thinking too.

When you look in my eyes
I wonder what you see?
Is it a reflection of Jesus deep inside of me.
Do you see my Father's Heart?
Do you see the emptiness?
Me without you is as lonely as it gets.
Do you know the price I'd pay, to hold you in my arms.
Do you know how much I love you?
Do you know how much I see?

And then I started thinkin'
'bout how we're the same
I was once an orphaned soul
lookin' for my place.

Jesus when you look in my eyes
do you see what I see?
My doubts and fears, my pain and my needs?
Do you see me longing for a family?
Do you know my hopes and dreams?
Will you hold me in your arms and never let me go?

As surely as I sit here
you revealed your truth to me.
You opened up my eyes so that I could see.

Jesus, when I look in your eyes
this is what I see.
I see a Father's Heart embracing me.
I see love and forgiveness
I feel your tenderness
I know you're my redeemer, I know the price you paid.
I know you as a Daddy and I know you as a King.
You gave me your heart and your eyes to see.

Jesus when I look in your eyes
this is what I see
I see a Father's Heart embracing me.

Book Review: Scared: a Novel from the Edge of the World

I have an “Author” friend. He just released his 4^th book, his first novel. Tom Davis is his name. He’s a former Youth Minister and was one of the men that helped “steer” the 2007 World Race that I was a part of. I’ve known about his most recent project, SCARED: a Novel on the Edge of the World, since those “Race” days.

I excitedly pre-ordered my copy from Amazon before I left the States for Ukraine. In May, I noticed an opportunity to download the novel in PDF from the publisher so I’ve had the book in digital form for a couple months. I had been putting off reading it just because I don’t like reading 300+ pages on a computer screen. There’s nothing like curling up with a paperback, right? But I stayed in a comfortable hotel last night and with no English Language programs on TV I read SCARED. I’m glad I did. Today I’m ordering 5 copies for my church!

It’s about the plight of orphans and the plague of AIDS in Africa- in the tiny, beautiful country of Swaziland, in particular. Our Western mindset would have us believe AIDS is a homosexual disease. Thinking like that releases most of us from worrying about it because we don’t fall into a behavior category that puts us at risk. AIDS in Africa is no more a homosexual disease than the Potato Famine was a French Fry problem!

It’s complicated. Regardless of where it came from or how it started- there are forces at work in much of Africa that exacerbate the problem to Biblical proportions. Ignorance and lack of Education, lack of adequate healthcare and in more instances- just non-existent healthcare, myriad customs and traditions among myriad people groups that hinder communication, corrupt governments and all-talk-no-walk relief organizations, the kind of extreme poverty that we see on late night infomercials but have become anesthetized to, and then there are spiritual forces that can’t be easily explained to a Western thinker.

This is a biased book review. I admit it. I know Tom and I know his heart. His 2^nd and 3^rd non-fiction books (Confessions of a Good Christian Guy, Red Letters: Living a Faith that Bleeds) were sort of run-of-the-mill to me. His first book however, Fields of the Fatherless, established him as a voice for Orphans. SCARED is Tom’s first novel and I think establishes him as a real-deal writer who makes a difference in the world. With the exception of the main character, photojournalist Stuart Daniels, SCARED reads like the front-page of today’s paper, or maybe more accurately, like the blogs of missionaries I know who are at this moment working in Swaziland.

I was gripped by it the same way I am when I read one of John Grisham’s novels set in Memphis, New Orleans, or all across Mississippi. Part of Grisham’s appeal to me is that I know these places, these names. The same was true for me reading SCARED. It’s set largely in Swaziland and I know these places. I know these names. I know these faces. So does Tom. Intimately. God is using his organization, Children’s Hopechest, to care for and keep alive thousands of orphans in that tiny country, raising them to be God’s answer to the crises in Africa.

I read the novel last night in one sitting. It is fast-paced and heart-breaking. It doesn’t preach; it simply tells a gut wrenching story convincingly. There’s courage and cowardice, humanity at its worst and at its best. There’s redemption and hope and inexplicable, unconsolable loss. I cried. I felt gritty-dirty. I felt anger. I felt like I could be fulfilled if I were in Swazi right now holding and feeding an orphaned child.

Read this book. When you turn the last page-stop and pray. Then immediately do something with your wealth- find a way to give- there are suggestions in the back of the book. Go to my friend Seth Barnes’ blogsite and click on the “Swaziland” tab. If you’re not affected by these stories then please see a doctor. You have a heart problem.

This won’t be a spoiler…another novel is in the works featuring the main character on assignment in Russian exposing the international child-sex trade. Children’s Hopechest has been there many years. Tom know’s whereof he writes about.