I love you. Goodbye.

We were blessed to visit the Regional Baby Orphanage again today.  A newlywed couple- friends of a friend- went with us.  They got married about a month ago and apparently it's a Ukrainian "thing" to receive lots of flowers at your wedding.  But instead of receiving all those flowers, they requested that their guests bring stuffed animals that would be delivered to needy children.  How cool is that?  So today we went with them and presented the orphanage with probably 50-100 new, stuffed animals.

And since we didn't get to see the children last week (see the last couple of blogs- last week we just met with the Chief Doctor to iron out some protocols for visiting) this was the first time we've seen the kids in 2 weeks.

For the first several minutes we were missing this one little boy- Pasha.  We were wondering if he had been adopted.  We keep hearing that it could happen any day now.  He finally showed up but we were again told that it could happen pretty soon.  We absolutely rejoice in that.  It's what we want.  It's what I want.  I want these kids to find forever families and if they are Ukrainian then I think that's even better.  Praise the Lord.

But that doesn't mean we won't miss them when they're gone.  On the way out I kissed my little favorite girl on the forehead and told her I love her and that Jesus loves her.  I've been doing that for at least 3-4 months with this one particular kid.  She never responds in-like.  She doesn't say, "I love you, too" or thank you or anything.  That's ok- I don't say it so I can hear it in return.  I say it because someday she'll understand what it means and she'll remember.  Someday she'll start hearing about Jesus and she'll remember that Uncle Clinton always told her that Jesus loves her.

And then on the way out today it really hit me that every week when we leave...it could be the last time we see some of these kids.  They'll either go back to live with parents or other family, or they'll be adopted, or they'll eventually "age-out" of this particular orphanage and move on to another one for older children (and by the way, we have been working on getting into the next-level orphanage so we can effectively follow these kids through the system).

But any given week presents the possible last time to see some of these kids.  That makes me not to ever want to forget to tell at least one that I love them and Jesus loves them.  It makes me want to remember to earnestly pray for them and over them.  It makes for a hard goodbye.

And it helps me understand what it must be like to be an Orphanage Worker.  It APPEARS sometimes that some of them are stern- cold- hard.  Of course we're not there except for an hour or so a week- but it seems like we never see them in the floor loving on the children. I would almost bet they didn't start that way. I bet some of them get as attached to the kids as we have but they've watched those kids leave for whatever reason over and over and over and over again.  It must be hard on them.  Unless they really are that stern and hard and cold.  But after spending the little bit of time that I have with these kids I'd have to say, "no". No one can be that stern and hard and cold.  So I pray for myself and for them to not be hardened by the process.

How about this sweet guy?  He's in the "invalid" room; I'm not sure what his diagnosis is for him to be there but he is one sweet, little dude.

Well, that worked out pretty good!

Here's an update on last week's post about what happened to our team at the regional children's orphanage.

There are some details I won't share publicly to keep from embarrassing anyone.

Last Thursday night I wrote a 2-3 paragraph email to the Chief Doctor at the Orphanage.   I thought it was pretty tactful (my friend who translated it told me she could tell that I was "mad".).  In any case, it had the desired effect.  Yesterday the Doctor called one of our team members and expressed a desire to continue having us visit the children.

Today one of our regular volunteers and I met the Doctor for coffee.  It was a good meeting.  We agreed to some protocols that should protect him and us and make the relationship a little more formal than it has been.  If we can meet the simple protocols then we should have no problems in the future with any of the other staff.

Among ourselves...the volunteers... we've already discussed the need for us to work harder at building relationships and serving the staff- especially the nurses that spend the most time with the kids.  There's no doubt the nurses are underpaid and under-appreciated and probably over-worked.  We'll try harder to love them from now on.

We hope to resume our visits next week.  Thanks so much to everyone that prayed about this situation.  There was a lot of of heartache on our part last Thursday at the thought of not being able to visit those kids regularly.  Today the Doctor told us he thought one of the things we do is help the children learn to interact with people (people not wearing white lab coats and being constant disciplinarians) and that helps them when they eventually transition into a real home.  I like that his outlook is that he expects them to find families eventually.

Thanks for holding the ropes for me

A Ukrainian friend asked me tonight about how I raise support and how I can live here and do what I do.  I gave her the short answer...that friends back home give me monthly financial and prayer support. I told her that my list includes family and of course, friends...and even kids that grew up in the youth ministries I served.  So tonight I came home and did a little math and here's what I found:

In this chart you can see that 77% of my support is monthly.  Monthly giving is the life-blood of a missionary.  To be fair, some of my "one time" supporters give large amounts which is pro-rated and distributed on a monthly basis.  One-time support accounts for 9% of my supporters and then 14% of my supporters give occasionally- ie, not every month but throughout the year.  Again, some of that is pro-rated and distributed monthly.  The frequency of the gift doesn't reflect the amount...I didn't check to see how much of my budget I receive monthly or occasionally etc.  I will say this: My biggest supporter so far this year is a "One-Time" supporter. Also, the amount of money that comes in every month has no bearing on my "salary"- it is determined at the end of each year and will remain constant regardless of monthly intake (unless of course it drops to a level that won't support my salary...which hasn't happened so far).  It's a lot cheaper to live here than in the States but in case you're wondering...I take home about 1/4- 1/3 of what a Mississippi School Teacher takes home...and I pay US Health Insurance rates!

This is where it gets really fun!  The largest group of supporters this year (23%) are either kids that grew up in one of the youth ministries I served or the parents of kids I ministered with.

The next group is old and current church friends...but mostly friends that were church members in either Aberdeen or Gulfport, MS (20%).

Family accounts for 18% but that includes money that is given every month in the name of ALL of my great nieces and nephews.  But let's just say my immediate family- parents, brother and sisters, and nieces and nephews all help me serve in Ukraine...and they take care of a lot of "business" for me back home!

11% of my Support Team is former World Racers- people I served with back in 2007.  That's pretty huge!

10% is from friends of friends mostly or people that I've really only recently met- maybe someone that heard me speak in a church or something.

9% is former and current ministry friends- mostly my old youth minister buddies.

9% is friends I went to college with at Mississippi State.

And I currently have 1 church back in MS that sends monthly support.

I probably should have saved this post for later in the month...for Thanksgiving...because I'm definitely grateful to them and to God for these friends and family.  I pray often that their trust in me is well-spent.

That didn't work out as planned...

Today we experienced a "relational" setback at the regional baby orphanage.

We've been going almost every week since January.  I think we have a good relationship with the Chief Doctor- he's the one we call every week to confirm if we can visit.  In fact, we were just there this past Tuesday and we had a brief, sit-down meeting with him in his office to a) ask if there was anything we could do to help/serve/provide for them as the Christmas season approaches and b) to ask if we could come back today with a little bit larger team.

He told us a) about multiple options for helping them- most of which included pretty significant outlays of cash- such as providing a month's supply of Pampers, and b) he said yes, of course we can bring a team.

The team today included some new volunteers from one of our churches.  The Pastor at the church I attend asked us to start including some other church members, especially some of the young people, because we need more "missions" outlets.

So today we packed up a van and went to Svalyava.  Instead of getting to spend a hour or more with the children that we see EVERY week we were met by two or three well-dressed but fairly rude nurses- at least 2 of them none of us remember ever having seen or met. They told us they didn't need or want us there.

They told us they were offended by the idea that we "missionaries" acted like we could bring them a package of diapers every now and then and expect them to let us do whatever we wanted.  (Note: one of our new volunteers brought diapers today, but that's the first time we've done that).  They said it was one thing in the summer when we could play with the children outside but that now it was too cold to go out and it posed a health risk for so many of us to be in a closed room.  They told us our presence gets the kids hyper and they're the ones that have to settle them down after we leave (which, by the way, is probably true).

Whenever we peek through the doors upon arrival the kids are almost always orderly and relatively quiet.  I understand the nurses and caretakers are overworked and underpaid.  They appear to be very strict.  They appear to do a good job caring for the childrens' basic needs.  What I don't EVER see is one of them sitting in the floor holding a child like my friend Katya in the picture above. Maybe they can't do that and maintain discipline...I don't know.  But I feel pretty strongly that these kids...all kids... need someone to hold them and play in the floor with them, and tell them they are loved. That's what we bring to the table (that and potentially a $1000 worth of Pampers- that's what the Doctor said they wanted for Christmas!).

The Chief Doctor finally showed up in the middle of all that and semi-smoothed things over.  He confirmed that it is a health risk (for Colds, etc) with us all being indoors and that it would be better if we come in the summer months.  But he also said we're welcome to come back for Christmas and New Year.  In the end he agreed to let us visit today but only for about 15 minutes.

So we don't know where we stand.  I've heard of this happening with other workers in other orphanages before for all sorts of reasons.  I'm going to email the Chief Doctor tonight and try to acknowledge their concerns but also try and explain why we do what we do.  I told our other volunteers tonight that we should plan to go next week...we'll call the Doctor just like we do every week and see what happens.  And in the future we can try to minister more with the Nurses/Staff as well...but a couple of the volunteers told me tonight this is not the first time some of the nurses have been rude and acted like they resented us being there...but this time they were very vocal and got the administrators involved.

So... there's something you can pray about.  I just preached this past Sunday about Spiritual Warfare and I think today we saw a bit of it.  Today was the first time to take the team from church to begin a more official partnership with the orphanage- we don't want to be one-hit wonders- we're in this for the long-haul and we want to serve the kids and the staff and maybe that's something the Adversary opposes.  

Birthdays

Birthdays tend to be a big deal here in Ukraine.  Last year when my team leader turned 50 he rented a hall and held a 50's themed party complete with costumes and dance lessons.  His wife had a western themed party a few weeks ago with costumes and bbq.

An introvert by nature, parties typically aren't my thing.  In the weeks leading up to my birthday last week, if someone asked me about it, I tried to blow it off and indicate that I really didn't want to do anything big.  I don't want to be all "bah humbug" about it.  When I was younger I looked forward to every birthday- for years I couldn't wait to be 15 and get a drivers license.  And then it was 18 so I would be "legal".  And then 21 so I would be "legal-er".  And then 25 so my insurance would go down (they lied, it didn't!).

40 was fun.  Almost everyone in church wore Black.  It was quite a coordinated effort. I turned 43 in China and my mission team planned a weekend long excursion that was amazing.

And then last week was 49.  49 isn't 50.  It isn't a milestone per se.  It's not a level I've been trying to unlock.  Honestly, 49 is a reminder that the next one is 50 and 50 makes me remember that many of my friends are grandparents and watching their now grown children launch into their lives and here I am.  This time next year I might be married with a baby and eating my words...but right now I don't see it and I don't know how I feel about it.  Some days I obviously lament the fact that I am where I am; I'm not a daddy and I don't see it happening.  Other days I'm ok- I trust that God knows what He's doing even when I don't see it.

But I do want to give credit where credit is due.  My 49th Birthday turned out to be very special.  My co-worker Christina and I left Uzhgorod on Halloween morning to spend a night with ministry friends in Lviv before going to Kalush where we've been coaching the youth ministry team at Grace Church for more than a year.  Our friends in Lviv are wonderful and their home is a like a very godly Bed and Breakfast.  They spoiled me with good home-cooking including sausage and eggs and muffins on my birthday.

When we arrived in Kalush that evening (my birthday) the kids in the youth group had planned a party- they gave me an awesome cake and a bunch of small, thoughtful gifts.  When I say "thoughtful"  I mean they wrote little notes to accompany each gift.

On Sunday night we returned to Uzhgorod.  I was sort of thinking that some of my friends in town might do something; I knew Tanya- my friend Katya's mother- was making a custom Vishyvanka (shirt) for me but I didn't know when I'd get it.  I figured either upon my arrival Sunday night or maybe at band practice on Monday.

Well- Katya, Ira, Anya, and Rudolf- all wonderful friends that I work with quite a bit doing some of the orphan-care and worship ministry- met Christina and I at the train station late Sunday night singing happy birthday and carrying a Mississippi State birthday cake!  How awesome is that?!

Then Rudy offered to give me a ride home.  I suspected then that something was up because everyone else piled in the car too.  When I asked if they wanted to come in for cake they declined...which I also thought was suspicious.  So I wasn't too terribly surprised when I went into my house to find more surprises.  What did surprise me was how many people were there and the gift they gave me.  (A few minutes later the aforementioned car load of friends joined us).  Inside my dark kitchen were a few kids from the youth group and several of the other missionaries- with the car load that brought me home, there must have been 15 people.  They bought me a new grill...a big, heavy one.  They like my cooking!!  We had cake and tea and some of them stayed and played on the playstation.  Mind you, it was after 10 pm when I arrived at the train station.  I got my Vishyvanka- it's beautiful!  And a nice card signed by a lot of friends.

I should also mention that the little youth group from the Messianic church gave me a poster with pictures and some encouraging words the weekend before my birthday.

So all in all, 49 was very memorable.  I mean, I still have thoughts about life passing me by in terms of having a family and all that but... I have friends that care.  And that means a lot.