And here we are again. Fifteen years today. What does life look like now? Well, it's been a year, I can say that.

I used to have sporadic dreams about Kim, sometimes good and sometimes bad. I had a recurring dream, not often, but several times over the years, where I dreamed that Kim wasn't dead but that we were separated or divorced and I was desperately trying to get back to her. I woke up crying every time; those dreams would seem so real. I attribute those dreams to the Accuser; a demonic attack. I haven't had that dream in a long time. In fact, I had a rare dream with Kim in it just a few days ago. It was fun and happy and I think I woke up crying from that dream too.

Losing a spouse is such a strange thing. I can't tell "my" story without including her. Just a few days ago I met a lady who works with another ministry and she asked how I ended up in Ukraine, etc and I had to share the whole story...with Lena translating. It's just part of who I am, and by extension, who we (me and Lena) are now.

A friend of mine lost his wife suddenly a few months ago. As I've often said, I think losing Kim the way I did- with the knowledge all along that it was inevitable, is better than a sudden loss. I hurt so much for him. We live in the social media age now and he has been pretty transparent and raw and reading his posts certainly stirred up a lot of feelings in me. Not overly sad feelings or anything, but lots of feelings of empathy for him I think. He would write stuff and I'd find myself thinking, no, feeling, exactly what he was/is feeling. I've been there. I know.

And here we are, fifteen years later. A lot has happened in a year. Last year we were on the brink of a pandemic but none of us knew it would last more than a year. Here in Ukraine, we are about to face another nationwide lock-down even as vaccines are pouring into the country. I have no idea what the future holds. Lena and I still want a family. We want a house and land. I'd love to have another Jeep! Lena's mother has good days and bad days. Some days it feels like a normal day; other days it feels like she won't be with us much longer. Life is just....real.

And in the midst of everything; God is still good. I've seen it rain on the good and the bad. I've been tempted (and I've succumbed to that temptation on occasion) to challenge God's goodness, but in the end, I can't deny it so I will press on.

Fourteen

It looks like this has become a once-a-year blog. So much happening in the world right now but I woke up to an almost instant reminder of what day it is and I was flooded with memories.

Seeing that I'm 8 hours ahead of US Central Time here in Ukraine and I didn't wake up until after 9 am, that means I woke up just about the time when Kim died 14 years ago, in the early morning hours of March 12.

For some reason when I woke up this morning I was thinking about where I was during the first anniversary- one year after Kim died. I was on an uncomfortable bus all day long traveling from Antiqua, Guatemala to Guatemala City and then through El Salvador and Honduras to the Caribbean Coast of Nicaragua. We left early in the morning and arrived late that night. I remember sitting on the back of the bus in tears most of the day and then crying more when we finally got settled that night. I remember it being hot and humid on the bus and with the crying I was dehydrated. I remember touching my face and feeling salt on my face. Salt deposits on the skin are a common thing with someone that has Cystic Fibrosis so there was that reminder all day.

That first one- that was the hardest.

Life with Lena hasn't been hard. I wrote last year, and it's still true- that it seems like we've been married much longer than a year and half.

Life is strange. I have to wonder at people who live the life they planned because in my experience all the twists and turns seem to negate all the planning. I'll be 56 years old this year and Lena and I want a family. Obviously, there are some obstacles- some twists and turns. A lot of people would say that's what makes life interesting, fun even. I think you have to look for the fun and interesting though and if it turns out to be something other than what you thought it would be then you better be able to adjust or else you're going to be bitter and disappointed. Truth be told, if we knew about the twists and turns then we might just stay put and let fear and paralysis keep us from doing anything; it might even drive some people to end it all.

So. Faith. Faith is what enables me to keep moving forward; to do the next thing- hopefully the next right thing. Faith is what helps me see that my time with Kim was for my good, shaping me to be who and what I am today. By faith I trust that my time with her was for her good too.

A lot can happen in a year

This day rolls around every year. The 13th time since Kim passed away in 2006.

Today is a little different because this time I'm married, again. I married Lena 7 months ago today.

I have to admit- there are times when I almost call Lena by Kim's name. So strong are my memories still of those years with Kim and her impact on me. Maybe that occasional urge to call her by that name will subside once I've been married to Lena for as long as I was married to Kim.

We're comfortable together, Lena and I. It seems like we've been married for more than 7 months- maybe in part to the fact that I've known her since I first moved here 7+ years ago.

Kim would have liked Lena. I'm sure she'd be happy for me.

Today has not been the day of introspection or mourning that it sometimes is- of course the day isn't over yet.

Today I've been domestic and academic. I've cleaned house and worked on some things in preparation for hosting guests that will arrive tomorrow. I've worked on two different online classes that I'm taking. It's been a fairly normal day.

12th Anniversary

Have you noticed that I only "blog" once or twice a year? It takes me more time to figure out how to log-in to this account than it does to write something.

But here I am. Midnight rolled by last night and I hit my yearly melancholy missing Kim.

I'm in a strange place these days.

I could get married again but everything is different this time.

When I met Kim I had just moved to Gulfport. I had gone through my 20's desperate for a girlfriend and hopeful for a wife someday but the opportunities in a small town were limited and maybe I wasn't that much of a "catch" back then anyway.

Then I met Kim and I knew within a couple months that she was the one. Maybe I knew the first time I saw her.  One of my favorite memories of my late Dad was the first time he met her. I guess we had been dating for about 3 months at that point when my Dad and stepmom visited me on the Coast. My Dad pulled me aside and said something like, "Well Son, I think you've found the one."  He could see it. He was right.

That's part of what's so different between then and now. Then, I knew. Now, I don't.

A lot of people around me tell me that those "feelings" don't matter. They tell me that I should marry, essentially, because I'm not getting any younger and it's not good to be alone. Even if I remind myself that being alone isn't necessarily the same as being lonely, they are not wrong.

When I first started talking about marriage with Kim she gave me the "out"- she told me we should break it off sooner rather than later because her prospects for a long-life were slim. That's when I told her I'd rather live some of my life with her than any of it without her.  I guess my thinking process on marriage is tainted by that line all these years later because what I want in marriage is not just to be with someone I can live with, but to be with someone I can't live without. The former isn't that hard to find, the latter is maybe once in a lifetime. I don't know.

Maybe I've set myself up for something unrealistic. Maybe someone I can't live without, someone that checks all my boxes, doesn't exist- apparently not even in my head since I can't articulate who or what that person is.

It makes sense that I should be married, I can't deny that. I tell people all the time that if I was married I'd like to adopt or foster some of the kids we minister with. There's a little girl at one of the orphanages right now that if I got married this week I'd probably start trying to adopt next week. Sometimes when I say that out loud, I feel inside that I must not really mean it... if I did then I'd do something about it. If I really cared about that kid then I'd get married. No internal pressure, right?

See how easy it is to get melancholy and worse on a day like today.

Praying for Libby

I'm a night owl. I often go to bed after midnight and last night was no exception. I drifted off to a Benedryl enhanced sleep thinking about where I was 11 years ago. Just after midnight on March 11 Kim's breathing was getting noticeably shallower. Those of us gathered in her room and down the hall in the waiting area knew she was getting close to her ultimate healing. Of course I'll always remember those moments.

Eleven years later and here in Ukraine, ironically, I attended a funeral and two graveside services yesterday. A couple of the cemeteries here in town are absolutely massive. Customary in this part of the world is to have large tombstones with etchings- a picture- of the deceased. Strange to me at first but I have to admit walking through the cemetery you get more of a sense that these were real people. It's like walking through a huge crowd of people frozen in granite.

I awoke this morning still thinking about this weekend 11 years ago. Kim's time of death was 2 am, March 12. After completing some paperwork all of who were gathered made our way back to Gulfport in the wee hours of the morning. I collapsed in our bed and woke up a few hours later that Sunday morning feeling like I had to hold it together, so I did I guess.  I wrote Kim's obituary that morning before even getting out of bed. I contacted my friend David, once a fellow youth minister but by then working at local funeral home, to begin making arrangements. 

I skipped church that Sunday. I won't skip today. I'll leave in about an hour and I'll be surrounded by people that have no idea what this day is to me. That sort of hurts but it's not their fault. And with two funerals yesterday there will be more than enough grieving today.

Something else that's been on my mind this weekend. I have a friend back in Mississippi who is alive and well with CF. He's fathered children, he's a tremendous professional in the field of education, and he's an advocate for those living with CF. One of his Facebook posts' this past week caught my attention and I've been following the story myself since then. 

There's a precious young girl named Libby Hankins from Alabama that's fighting for her life right now at Duke University Hospital. She has CF and she had a double-lung transplant last year. Her body is rejecting the lungs right now. There's a Facebook Group called Lungs for Libby and on that site I've watched news videos and slideshows and read many testimonies about her life and how she's impacted so many people not only in her small Alabama town but all over the world. 

http://abc3340.com/news/local/lungs-for-libby-everytime-my-heart-beats-it-breaks-a-little-more

I'm praying for you Libby. I don't even know how exactly to pray. I'm praying the Lord will use these dire circumstances to show the world His power and glory and compassion and mercy by healing your body; I'm praying He will comfort your friends and family and bless them with more of your presence- like, years and years more of your presence. 

An Aluminum/Tin Anniversary?

I woke I woke up this morning and violated a personal ideal: I read Facebook instead of scripture. I was quickly reminded that life goes on and that life is good even when it's not.

I saw that today is my friend Amy's birthday. One of my earliest memories of her was when she was visiting our youth ministry and taking notes and nodding in agreement to something I was saying. It was encouraging. I was privileged to officiate her wedding. She recently posted pictures of her beautiful 2 year old. She still encourages me. Her life encourages me.

I saw on Facebook that today is my youth ministry friend Harvey's 21st wedding anniversary. He was a little later in life getting married like I was. I don't know if he ever felt like it would never happen. I often felt that way. But now he's celebrating 21 years of marriage and being the Dad to a couple beautiful children.

I saw honeymoon pics and the celebration of one week of married bliss from another former "youth", Michelle. She's godly and brilliant  pretty and looks so happy.

Another kid, super talented Emily is getting married today.  

And my friend Chad who fell in love with a kid he and his wife fostered several months ago...got her back today (or recently).

Life goes on, right? And life is a gift and it is good even with the pain that it sometimes brings.

I woke up this morning knowing that 10 years ago on a Sunday morning I woke up and wrote my best friend's obituary.

I'm glad I looked at Facebook for all the reminders about the good on this day and everyday.

Kimberly Katherine Batey White 

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Kimberly Katherine Batey White, 34, of Gulfport, passed away on Sunday, March 12, 2006 in New Orleans. 

Kim, born in Fremont, Ohio, has been a life-long resident of Gulfport. In 1989 she graduated from Gulfport High School, where she was named Student of the Year. In 1995 Kim graduated from the University of South Alabama with a Bachelor of Science degree in Nursing. For the last 10 years, Kim has worked at Memorial Hospital of Gulfport in the Cardiac Observation Unit. She was a member of Bayou View Baptist Church. 

Kim was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was six weeks old but she did not die from CF, rather, she lived with it. In fact, she outlived all of the projections that were made about her life-span. When others would have taken advantage of their disability, Kim refused to be treated differently or to act differently. When she could have performed poorly in school due to frequent hospitalizations, she excelled both in high school and in college. Kim received a gift of life in the form of a double lung transplant 8 years ago. She used those extra years well as a caregiver at Memorial Hospital and as a Proverbs 31 woman. She was her husband's best friend and an encouragement and inspiration to all who knew her. Our lives are better because of Kim. 

Kim was preceded in death by her grandfather, T.W. "Pappy" Milner, Jr.; grandmother, Eleanor Stribling Milner; step-grandmother, Innabeth Melvin Milner; and paternal grandparents, Gerald and Mary Batey. 

Kim is survived by her husband of 9 years, Clinton White of Gulfport; her parents, Gerald "Gary" and Eleanor Batey, Jr. of Gulfport; sister, Mary Elizabeth Batey of Semmes, Alabama; father-in-law, John White and his wife, Mae of Amory, MS; mother-in-law, Jo Ann White of Hatley, MS; uncle and aunt, Ambassador Thomas and Katherine Anderson of Middleburg, Virginia; uncle, Tommy Milner, III of Gulfport; aunt , Patricia Cook and her husband, John, of Woodville, Ohio; sister-in-law, Vicki Raulin and husband, Michael of Douglasville, Georgia; sister-in-law, Janet Tuttle of Hatley; brother-in-law, John White and Pam of Vicksburg, MS; and by numerous nieces, nephews, great-nieces & nephews, and cousins.

Visitation will be on Wednesday, March 15, 2006 from 12 Noon until 2:00 p.m. at Bayou View Baptist Church in Gulfport. The funeral service and celebration of her life will follow at 2:00 p.m. Interment will be in Evergreen Cemetery in Gulfport. 

Memorial contributions may be made to MS Organ and Recovery Agency, 12 River Bend Place, Jackson, MS 39208 (www.msora.org); or to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation (www.cff.org). 

Arrangements by Riemann Memorial Funeral Home in Gulfport. An online guestbook may be viewed and signed via Riemannfuneralhomes.com.

Published in The Sun Herald on Mar. 14, 2006

Last Month's Lowlights

My friend/co-worker, Julie and I,  had a discussion today which led me to think about on how hard it is to be authentic when writing newsletters and reporting to the folks back home.  The struggle is real.

I like to think that I don't embellish or oversell what I'm doing overseas, but there's no doubt that, at the very least, I try to cast things in a positive light.  As a Christian I have every reason to be a "positive" person and from a mental health standpoint, I would think it's healthier to look for the "good" as opposed to dwelling on the bad. But do I unconsciously do it too much?

At the end of every month I send out an Email Newsletter to about 300 people. I've used the same format for almost 4 years- 3 Highlights for the Month followed by a primary story- almost always a highlight in itself.

In the interest of being more authentic and trying to communicate that it's not all rainbows and unicorns, I might make this a new monthly blog titled, "Last Month's Lowlights".

Lowlight #1- I keep a daily mini-diary- just a sentence usually that describes at least the main thing I did every day. Usually I can go a few days without writing because it's easy to remember what I did just a few days ago. Usually. But Sept, 1, 2, and 4 are LOST days to me. I have no idea what I did...which means I didn't do anything significant. Not for the Kingdom, probably not for me or anyone else either. I probably didn't sleep all day since my temporary roommate moved in right before that and I would have looked like a jerk sleeping all day. Nevertheless...I apparently didn't do anything to earn your money three days in one week.

Lowlight #2- I count 6 days in the month where I can honestly say I worked my butt off and I worked ALL DAY...like morning till late at night. That includes 2 days when I endured 20 hour long train rides.  Then there were 4-5 days where I for sure worked a full-day- the kind of days that you work everyday.  The rest were half-days at best. It's not that I didn't do "anything" those days- most likely I accomplished what was on my list to do for that day...but I didn't sit at a desk or push buttons for 8 hours.

Lowlight #3- According to MailChimp Statistics, only about 25% of the 300 people who received my email newsletter bothered to open the mail. Only one person provided feedback. The day after sending my "highlight" newsletter, when the statistics are available, is often the day I most want to stay in bed all day or drink a bottle of wine.

Lowlight Primary Story- This one is the hardest to admit- but I didn't have a meaningful conversation with any unbeliever about Christ or anything spiritual all month. 

Thanks for supporting your favorite missionary.

The United States I was born in no longer exist.

Tonight I attended a Franklin Graham Festival of Hope- a one night crusade in Lviv, Ukraine.  I guess Franklin Graham does several of these per year around the world so it's a well-oiled machine. Organizers were hoping fill the stadium in Lviv- capacity 35,000.  Initial estimates is that there were 39,000 in attendance tonight.

My guess is nearly 10,000 people came forward during the Invitation (to Just As I Am no less). Many that came forward were escorting friends and again, initial estimates from a friend on the committee suggest there were at least 2000 first time decisions.

It was fascinating to me on several levels and I'm a little bit emotional right now.  Here are a couple observations.

1.  Franklin Graham is a chip off the old block. He looks so much like his father and sounds like him, too.  His delivery reminded me of watching his father on TV when I was a child. Here's the thing though: I have a few favorite communicators. I really like Ben Stuart at Breakaway Ministries at Texas A & M. He's brilliant, he's current/relevant, his sermons are "meaty", and he's witty without sounding like he's trying too hard to be. He's fun to listen to and I learn from him.  I'm not sure if Franklin Graham smiled tonight and I don't think there was a hint of humor in anything he said. There was no entertainment value whatsoever in his presentation. He proclaimed a super simple evangelistic message entombed in the Prodigal Son narrative from Luke 15.  I bet I could have delivered the same message.  I bet I could have read his message or maybe preached it with more passion and better illustrations (Franklin didn't use any illustrations...he just read the scripture and told the story). I bet I could have done that and possibly no one would have come down from the upper level.  Franklin did his best Billy imitation and the field flooded with people making a decision for Christ.

2. I remember a time in the country I was born in- the United States of America- when, if Billy Graham was holding a Crusade (usually a 5-7 night thing, right?) anywhere in the world, it would be broadcast on Primetime Network TV.  It would bore me as a child and I would be angry that my regular programming of All in the Family or Rockford Files was pre-empted...but I was young and stupid and didn't appreciate then how awesome it was that the world's preeminent evangelist was on national TV.

3.  At the same time that Billy Graham was on national network tv several times a year there were a couple other things happening in the world.  Ukraine- the country I live in right now- was behind the Iron Curtain. We in America considered everyone behind said curtain as godless atheist. The Church in America in the 70's and 80's bemoaned the direction of the Church, fearing we were headed for the same fate as the Church in Western Europe- dead and empty.

4.  And here we are today.  I can say unequivocally that Ukraine, even when it was behind the Iron Curtain I think, was and is far more conservative and generally more moral than the Disunited States of America.  That doesn't mean it is more "Christian" than the Disunited States (or the country that preceeded it, the United States).  By any measure the States would still be regarded as more "evangelized" and "Christian" than Ukraine where only 3-5% of the population identify as Born Again Christians.  But America is in a moral tailspin.  Much of the conflict in Ukraine over the past year or so is that many Ukrainians desperately want the freedoms and rule of law associated with the US and with Europe but they equally desperately DON'T WANT the lack of morality.

It pains me to visit large, beautiful,empty Cathedrals and churches here in Europe- the light is gone. You hear stories of many of them being turned into Mosques (it's happened before in Europe). But I've also been to some very solid, very vibrant churches in Europe. Most of them are meeting in rented facilities, no longer able to bear the tax burden of owning large properties (American Churches, you're next!).  Some are sizable; most are small. The numbers of Christians are few; but they are strong.

Could there ever again be a 5 night nationally televised major network Church Service in America? No, I doubt it. For the most part the "religious leaders" that get that kind of airtime in America today are nut job celebrities that rub shoulders with Oprah and wear a plastered hairdo to go along with a $10K suit while promising riches and ease.

No. The Disunited States of America is a Post-Christian Country. Culture and many (most) of our churches have slid way beyond the European Church it once feared.

Here's my prediction: American Culture will continue to slide toward (and beyond) Gomorrah.  There will be a lot of falling away within the American Church. But the few will grow stronger. Freedom probably grows churches far and wide, but persecution grows churches deep.  And by the way: The persecution hasn't started yet...America, get over yourself. None of the backlash you're facing now is real persecution. 

TRENDING

I am sort of fascinated by how "things" go viral on social media.

How in the world did Rebecca Black's "Friday" video go viral. She's a cute kid, but the song? Not so much.

And what about that stupid blue/black dress?  What the heck? And who cares?

I'm as addicted to social media (especially Facebook and Instagram) as anyone. I justify it by citing it's uses in "ministry".  It really is useful. For example, in two years of using Social Media based Crowdfunding tools like Indiegogo and Tilt, we've raised more than $30,000 for the Coffee House Ministry Center we're building here in Ukraine.

And now we're doing it again.

Actually, I'm mostly taking this one "off"- I figure I wore my friends out a few months ago while raising funds for the Coffee House (which is really make progress by the way and it'll be operational this summer and open in September!)

I recently created a page on Indiegogo to help my partners here in Ukraine with Ruka Dopomogy (actually a part of International Teams) to raise money for Summer Camp.

Supper Camp is near and dear to my heart. I love camp!  But with the currency devaluation here in Ukraine this past year (from 8 UAH to 1 USD to now more than 20 UAH to 1 USD) along with the fact that salaries have not increased...well, it's going to be really hard for families to send kids to camp.

The camp is cheap by US standards. We can feed and house a kid for a week and provide a pretty good program for only about $25 USD a week.  Last year that was about $200 UAH for a Ukrainian family...but today it would more than $600 UAH. It's still $25 to you and me but it's triple what it was last year for a Ukrainian family. It doesn't always make sense to me but that's how it works!

In addition to the increase in cost, we now have nearly 2 million internally displaced people (refugees) in Ukraine. Most are women and children who have fled or been sent out of eastern Ukraine. Many of them now reside in our region and we want them to come to camp. It's even more financially difficult for them.

That's why Ruka Dopomogy asked me to create the Indiegogo Campaign- to raise funds that will sponsor Refugee Kids and Teens at 100% for Camp this summer. In addition to that we'll let Orphans and Foster Kids attend for 1/2 price and we'll offer discounts for families with multiple children.

We'll do all that if we can raise the funds.  You can donate on the Indiegogo page and please share the link on your social media outlets. Wouldn't it be fun if it went "viral"?

http://igg.me/at/OMPaGdUZLg0/x/10068697

Another Milestone

Nine years. Now it's been 9 years. I've been "widowed" longer than I was married.  And I was thinking recently that this past November, just a few months ago, was when I met Kim 20 years ago. My gosh! Time really does fly and it seems to do so exponentially faster the older we get.

I think I've written something every year on this "anniversary".  A friend sort of intimated a few days ago that I need to "move on" with my life.  I think she missed the point: I have moved on, but this week is never going to pass for me without notice and I wouldn't want it to.

When I was in Mississippi this past Christmas going through mementos and such I ran across the Eulogy my friend Margaret wrote and read at Kim's funeral. Margaret was as much or more Kim's friend as she was mine. She was one of my "ace" youth workers when I was a Student Minister in Gulfport but she was also one of Kim's co-workers at Memorial Hospital.  

I don't know how many of you have ever been in a position to plan a funeral. It's stressful with lots of snap decisions. I drove home from the hospital where Kim died in the wee hours of a Sunday morning and after taking a nap I had to notify the funeral home and write an obituary for the newspaper. Later that day I had to go to the funeral home and pick-out a casket and all the trimmings.The next day I had to arrange for the burial site.  Then I had to choose Pall Bearers and others who would be involved in the service including asking someone to provide the Eulogy. Regardless of stress involved, I can look back and know with certainty that I made the right choice in asking Margaret to perform that difficult task.  Here's what she wrote:

Kim White- one of the most unique, one-of-a-kind, loving young ladies that I have every personally known. I truly hope that this community, this church, her hospital and her entire family know that they had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have someone of her caliber...walking in our midst. 

Kim could have so easily whined, or felt sorry for herself or even have been bitter. She could have been consumed with her health problems- I am afraid I would have been had we exchanged bodies. Instead she never brought her sickness or health problems to light unless others pursued or forced the conversation. It makes me feel like a sissy- when I think of what she did with such significant issues. About a year and half ago Clinton and Kim moved into a new home. Some of us from church and her family worked together for a week or so painting and getting their home ready to move into. I can remember begging Kim to take it easy, to sit it out for a while. She basically gave me, in just a few words, that she wanted to be working. She was a very bright girl, who happened to have Cystic Fibrosis her entire life and who just happened to be a nurse.  She knew the things taking place in her body, the affect of the anti-rejection meds on her entire system. The possibility of rejection; and she let me know- life IS FOR THE LIVING. She changed out her IV drips running through her PICC line and then would pick back up the roller and paint harder than the rest of us. WITHOUT A BEAT- she had so much experience multi-tasking. Taking care of herself and living a full life. This is a huge part in credit to you- Mr and Mrs Batey, and Mary. You raised her up and supported her in a way that did not lend to her feeling or acting as if she had a disability, but instead she felt special, beloved, and protected by her family. She was so happy to have moved closer to her parents. She loved you all so much.

Kim was a great nurse. Bob and I actually experienced her intense TLC after one of his bad seizures. She knew how to get to the heart of your fears, give comfort, give skills and much compassion. She put a very intelligent mind, together with a huge heart and mixed in some really great clinical skills. The nurses that worked with Kim in Cardiac Observation were devoted to Kim, and Kim to them. All through the years I have heard first hand praise for her nursing from patients and her co-workers first from 4A and then the other 9 years from Cardiac Observation. Her manager, Cindy, relayed to me that she was always concerned with the well-being of her unit. She worried to the point of calling when she was sick to make sure the staffing was covered in her absence. She constantly was concerned with her co-workers well-being. She actually called last Tuesday to the unit to check on a co-worker who had illness in their family even while she herself was very ill. But her co-workers had her back also. Recently a co-worker actually locked the door on an employee from our environmental services who was trying to come in and strip and wax the floor. She actually had no intention of letting Kim cone in contact with those fumes. AND SHE WON!

Her co-workers thought so much of her nursing, that they turned her name in to Oprah's Person of the Year contest, and WLOX's Nurse of the Year Contest. So, Kim, we all know you are OUR Nurse of the Year. We know you were an example to all of us, the perfect nurse, a role model of caring. Her peers quote her as there to help in every time of need, quiet and respectful, patient-centered, always positive. SHE WILL BE IRREPLACEABLE at Memorial, where she showed us all the CALL and TRUE ART of NURSING.

Kim and Clinton were limited in starting a family. Kim physically never bore children, BUT WAS A MOTHER TO MANY. The last 9 years God used Kim and Clinton's marriage and home to provide an open door to all who entered. She had a loving heart, provided many a quick thrown together meal for the masses. Many a taco, and barbecued burger for 2nd Sunday Fellowships, Progressive Dinners for the youth...she had a tolerance that is beyond comprehension for the interruptions that we as a church and as a youth group would constantly give her. She laughed and giggled at the Life-Size Barbies the girls left at their door that would scare here when she opened her front door. She tolerated having her home toilet-papered so the girls would know the thrill.She acted in videos depicting how the life-size Barbie we left was kidnapped and through the imaginary investigation.

The kids would give no warning, night and day, they just appeared. And she loved them so. She would drive vans, pick up food for trips, drop us off early, pick us up late.We shared long distance trips and she nursed many a youth. She gave them words of encouragement, comfort for the sad, the lonely, the mis-placed, the scared and those in need of nurturing. She has always displayed "our home is your home". Instead of having 1 or 2 children that she devoted all of her time and attention, instead she mothered hundreds of kids through the 9 year mission she had as a youth minister's wife. So, for the Emily's, the Laura's, the Monica, Jana, and Ali's, the Justin, Tyler and Ben's, the Chelsea's, Heather's and Amanda's, the Jenna's, Scott's, Chip and Anna's- they would all want me to tell you how much Kim meant to their lives and how much they loved here. And I know Kim would want them to know she loved them too.

Clinton is such a great youth minister, much of this has to do with the support he received from his wife WHO VERY MUCH LOVED AND SUPPORTED HIM. She graciously took into stride when he was called away for weeks every summer and when the kids kept his ear and attention. She did this with seemingly ease because she loved SERVING GOD and she loved her husband Clinton.

Kim could see the good in everyone. I never once heard Kim say a negative or bad word about anybody. At Church, on trips and yes, even at work. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO? I can remember thinking to myself so many times, HOW does she do it? How is one person so sweet? How can you stay so kind? So consistently? I am just sorry I never told her how she inspired me to be a better person. So Kim, I do so know.  This sweet spirit and attitude led her ability to be a friend. She had several lifelong friends, friends from church and friends from work. They were loyal to her and her to them.

Clinton, Mr and Mrs Batey, Mary and all of Kim and Clinton's family- we all cry and mourn with you. We will miss her in our lives. But we also celebrate and rejoice in the knowledge that she was taken into the presence of OUR LORD, JESUS CHRIST at 1:30 am on Sunday, March 12.

IN HIS PRESENCE, in a place that God has prepared for those who love him, His presence and the place he PREPARED FOR KIM, that she is now experiencing. A place in his presence that our ears have never heard, that our eyes have never seen and where our minds cannot even conceive. She is now with THE ONE who came to make all things new. Where now she is new, where she is basking in his brilliance and IN HIS MARVELOUS LIGHT.

Kim, you made it count. We love you.

TILT this!

This is the last week of a month long TILT Campaign to raise funds to open a Coffee House as a platform to reach University Students in Uzhgorod, University.

What's a TILT Campaign? TILT.Com is a social media crowd funding website like Fund Me or KickStarter.  It's the 2nd time we've used TILT. Last Spring we raised more than $10,000 and we're trying to do it again.

You can read more about the project on the TILT page:https://www.tilt.com/campaigns/urban-ministry-center-coffeehouse-phase-5

The bottom line of this blog is: GIVE THIS WEEK. We are less than $1000 away from reaching our goal of $10K.  TILT works like other crowd funding sites: If we don't reach our goal then we don't get any of the money pledged on TILT.  But let's go even further: $10K just gets us through part of our current phase of remodeling, it doesn't finish the project. We need at least $20K. Don't give a few bucks to help us reach our goal; give sacrificially and let's finish the project.

We've already accomplished a LOT. We've remodeled and we've been using new office space for our ministry- International Teams- for more than a year.  We also turned one pretty horrid bathroom into beautiful separate men's and women's facilities.  We've installed heat and air conditioning and we've completed a Welcome Area (in the picture to the left). We share the restrooms and the Welcome Area with our Lead Partner Church next door. The Welcome Area is in use multiple times per week as a small group space for the church.

We want to have the Coffee House up and running by the time school starts back this Fall.  Because of the war in Eastern Ukraine, our city of Uzhgorod has received 400 transfer students from India and Africa. Our Indian Student friends are fired-up for the gospel- they not only want to reach their fellow countrymen (another 1200 students expected this Fall) but they want to reach Ukrainian students.  Having a core group of Christian University students has been the missing link for us having an effective outreach ministry to the universities in Uzhgorod.  We believe God is about to move in a new and big way in the University community here.

There's a couple ways you can give:

1. You can give through TILT using the link above.
2. You can give online at the International Teams website: www.iteams.org/give be sure and specify that the gift for: Transform Uzhgorod, Ukraine/Coffeehouse Project
3. You can give by check:

International Teams
Attn: Receipting Dept
411 W River Rd
Elgin, IL  60123
(again, specify the money is for Uzhgorod Transformation/Coffeehouse Project and if you give by check then send me a message so I can notify TILT since gifts received for this project at ITeams counts towards the TILT).

BOTTOM LINE: GIVE. The deadline for our Tilt Campaign is 3 pm CST Saturday, February 14.

One more about some artist I know....

I'm sure I'm leaving someone out even thought I've perused my IPad's list of artist several times.  I'll conclude this series with two more bands.

One of them is a sweet voiced singer in her own band now but was one of the original's in another band called Rosco Bandana.

Both bands feature kids I knew when I was a Mississippi Youth Minister.

Emily is the youngest of three really talented siblings.  The oldest one was in college before we became friends but a few years later I was privileged to officiate at her wedding.  The middle child was our awesome drummer for the 605 Band mentioned in a previous post.  Emily I think was in the 9th or 10th grade, maybe younger, when I left Mississippi to begin overseas work.  Looking back on it and if I had stayed there instead of going overseas, then she probably should have been the next "face" and "voice" for our worship band.  She was...and is... RICH in talent.  Great voice, plays at least a couple instruments, and incredible stage presence.

Honestly, I really don't know much about her band or the music on the album she just released this week.  I don't know much about the other band she started with either, Rosco Bandana...but you should look them up and read some of the stories about them.

http://www.roscobandana.com/
You can find Della Memoria on Facebook and also on ITunes.

The leader for Rosco is another kid I knew during my Gulfport days.  His name is Jason. He was always a really bright kid and he got it honestly- I always thought his sisters and parents were brainy.  Jason and I didn't always see eye to eye and he really wasn't active in our youth ministry but I generally considered all the kids in town back then as kids I cared for and ministered with.  His grandfather was a Deacon in the church I served so I did watch him grow up during those years I lived on the Coast.

A few years back (all this is long after I left Mississippi), Jason and some of his friends formed Rosco and then won an international competition at Hard Rock Cafe which led to, I think, Hard Rock Records first signed artist.  You definitely should look them up on ITunes- it's a really great rockabilly, folksy sound.  And they even have videos!

So what I have here is one of their videos that features both Jason and Emily (Jason is the lead vocalist and shows up first in the video with the head full of hair; Emily is the completely stunning brunette driving the car at about the 1 minute mark).



A concept video is cool and all that, but you really need to see them perform.  They performed in England as part of the Hard Rock competition and if they ever make it Central Europe, I'd like to see them.



And here's Emily's band jamming out in concert.  I couldn't find a vid of her singing.

Far less than 30 days of praise... worship artist that I personally know.

So I go to "songs" on my IPad and hit shuffle and start going until I land on an artist I know.

Right now, I'm having to re-think my definition of the word, "know".  Ok, not really...there's people I know and there's people I've "met".  They're not the same no matter how much I want it to be.

For instance- in all those years of being a Youth Minister back in Mississippi I had the opportunity to meet a LOT of well-known artist.  One of my Youth Minister tricks at summer camp every year was to find the camp pastor and/or worship leader and invite them to meet with my group during some free time- usually at night during a Debrief Time.  I always figured if my kids had a chance to meet and hear the heart of the people on stage every night that they would be that much more engaged.  I was right about that most of the time.

So, in the course of a lot of years of youth ministry I met people on my Ipad like Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall, Billy and Cindy Foote, Matt Redman, Mike Weaver (Big Daddy Weave),  all the girls with the original Pointe of Grace, Stephen Curtis Chapman, Steve Camp, Michael Passons of Avalon, Chris Rice, Bebo Norman, Mac Powell, some less widely known guys and gals like Michael John Clement, Chris Davis, Kevin Williams, Chris Layton, Dave Hunt, Stephen and Star Smith, Steve Opie Thomas, Jake Gulledge, Jennifer Smith, my best friend's sister Janet Burns, and probably a lot more.

You can find music from almost all of them on ITunes or at least find them on the interwebz.  Jennifer Smith is one of those "kids" I first met at Mississippi Super Summer; she grew up and became a great youth leader and worship leader and a couple years ago raised funds from friends via a kickstarter-type campaign to record an album.  I really like it a lot!!  Some of those guys/gals above are itinerant worship leaders mostly in the Southeast; several of them serve faithfully on church staffs across the Mississippi and beyond.

Janet is a bit of celebrity in and around Copiah County. She's always had a great voice and couple years ago went to Nashville to record an album that's easily the most "country/gospel" on my playlist. She recorded one of the songs with her daughter Caitlyn (who is one of my most favorite kids in the world). You can find her ministry page on Facebook

I even went to school with a couple semi-celebrities.  The worship bands at the BSU (Baptist Campus Ministry) at Mississippi State were always phenomenal. During the years I was at State, the groups featured two singer/musicians that every KNEW would make it in the "industry".

Kim Hill- who has recorded numerous albums and has led worship for a ton of conferences etc and Jeff Slaughter.  Kim probably wouldn't know me from Adam but we have a lot of legitimate mutual friends.  Jeff and I shared some Mississippi Delta roots and we've exchanged pleasantries from time to time.  If you're Southern Baptist or if you you've ever used SBC Vacation Bible School material then you're familiar with Jeff. He's written the music for VBS since before the earth cooled.

My most recent musical acquaintance is Bria Blessing.  She's on ITunes, too.  She and her family are long-time missionaries in Ukraine- she's been here for something like 16 years. Earlier this year she took Ukraine's version of The Voice by storm. She almost won and probably more importantly, the exposure gave her an incredible platform to share the light of Christ (and it's BRIGHT in her) all over Ukraine, including several "USO" type appearances with soldiers fighting in Eastern Ukraine.  You don't have to know Ukrainian to understand what happens when she shares with the judges that she's an American (about 4:40 into the Youtube below).

Considerably less than 30 days of praise...artist that I personally know.

My original intent was to go through the Shuffle thingy on my Ipad until I landed on an artist that I personally know and then write a little about him or her.  I actually, probably, maybe do know enough people to have written a blog everyday in November...I've just been too busy to do so. For that reason, I'm combining some artist on one blog...beginning today.

Back in the late 1990's early 2000's I was ridiculously blessed with a fantastic Youth Worship Band where I served in Gulfport, Mississippi.  It was a perfect storm kind of thing.  For whatever reason, the local high school band kids made up a sizable portion of our student ministry so there were a lot of musically inclined kids.  And again, for whatever reason, I had an unusually large and active group of middle schoolers move into the high school ministry about the year 2000.

I had always wanted to reformat our existing mid-week Bible Study into a full-blown youth worship event but it takes a critical mass to do that.  About 2000 it happened: We had the numbers, we had some exceptionally musically gifted kids and we had just moved into a new building where we had a dedicated youth space.  Our mid-week numbers at least tripled that year and then more than doubled the next year when we outgrew the youth room and took over the church sanctuary for the next 3-4 years. We went from 10 kids on a Wednesday night to about 45 to about 125 in a three or four year stretch and I believed then (and now) that God used our Youth Worship Band- the 605 Band- much more than He used me.

I don't remember exactly, but I think the "worship/music" aspect started with me playing the guitar and one of those exceptional 9th graders, Jana, learning and playing guitar and singing.  Sometimes Tyler or Bill would play Djembe.  Both were amazing young drummers.  Several other girls helped sing- Elizabeth, Monica, Elan and Eden and others. I think we did that most of that first year with me gradually turning it over to them.

When we moved into the sanctuary the next year I asked my friends Tim and Sandy to take over training the band and we expanded to include occasional Keyboard, full drums, another guitar, sometimes a Bass and and Electric Guitar and at times, about 5 female singers. I remember at some point that year feeling like Tim and Sandy were leading and the kids were just sort of filling up space, so I asked them to step aside and let the kids sink or swim.

The rest is history. Divine, providential, really cool, history.

The band flourished.  I mean, they struggled on their own for a few months but by the time the next year rolled around they were simply amazing.

I remember one night, I think some of the kids or maybe one of the parents asked if Allie could sing a "special".  I had never heard her sing before.  I think she sang, "Heart of Worship" and I was blown away. What a voice!  And she and Jana sang together like they were created to do so.  Our drummer, Tyler, was world class.  Our Bassist, David was great. Our main male lead vocal, Ben, was a bit of a wild-card but most of the time he did his part well. Justin would sing sometimes too and mostly played the electric guitar. Allie added Keys to her repertoire and Jana mastered the guitar.

Over the years Justin and Tyler also played in some side bands as did the girls.

And if I ended there, it would be a good story.  But it get's better.

Jana, I'm sure is still a great guitar player and vocalist although she's pretty busy these days with a brand new baby girl.  She married a Nashville guitar player who is in a band most of the free world would know if I were to name-drop.

Justin is a worship and student pastor.  He's still singing and playing guitar and he's married and has a baby too.

I don't know if Tyler is still playing drums or not but he's from one of the most musically gifted families I know. He's married and has a baby!

David is a Funeral Director.  What??  The picture of a cool Bass Player giving comfort to grieving families is almost too much!

I once took Ben to Ukraine on a mission trip. Earlier this year he married a Ukrainian girl he met in college at South Alabama!  His parents, Tim and Sandy, continue to be great friends and supporters.

And Allie- the voice- She had a song featured on Grey's Anatomy and just released her 2nd or 3rd album, this one with a Welsh partner named Al Lewis.  You can find her on Itunes at Lewis & Leigh (Leigh is Allie's middle name).

Always last, but not least, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that we had a few technical geniuses running sound boards and computers for us, mostly Scott and Brandon.

The Original 605 Band; pardon the pun, but they were so instrumental in my ministry in Gulfport. They not only led us to the throne every Wednesday night but they were the "draw"- they were the reason so many kids attended every week and when they attended they experienced God through worship and hopefully they heard the Word and saw it being lived out in their peers and leaders. I couldn't script a more fruitful and fulfilling 4-6 year stretch of church youth ministry.  I'm still in contact with some of them; I'm not in contact with a few of them... but they will always have a most important place in my heart.

 Ben

 Bill

 David

 Jana

 Justin

 Scott

Allie

Tyler

Less than 30 Days of Praise...Worship Artists that I personally know

Nov 11- wee hours of the morning and my random shuffle artist generator on my Ipad comes up with The Tom Edwards Band.

Back in my Mississippi Youth Minister days I was pretty well-connected. I sort of knew everyone and they knew me.

A lot of my connections came from serving at the best kept summer camp secret ever- Mississippi Super Summer.  In the early years of Super Summer I think we had 4 or 5 "schools".  By the time I left Mississippi, Super Summer and grown exponentially and the number of schools had at least doubled. In addition to a Camp Pastor and Camp Worship Leader, each school also has a worship leader for the week so there's lots of opportunities for guys and gals to get some exposure.

One of those guys I met at Super Summer back in the day was Tom Edwards. Man, I'm a sucker for an acoustic guitar player in the first place and Tom is a great guitarist and a really strong song-writer. He can do all the "covers",  he can belt-out an old hymn in a way that will bring tears to your eyes...but gosh, the dude can write some great songs too.  His voice...I don't know, somewhere between velvet and butter.

One of my favorite memories of working with Tom was a couple months after Hurricane Katrina.  Our church sanctuary was toast.  Soppy, wet toast.  We had cleaned-up and relocated to our gymnasium.  All of our upstairs education space was being used to host visiting construction workers and teams.  School resumed about 6 weeks after the hurricane and with it we attempted to resume our "normal" Wednesday night activities which included our mid-week worship service called 605.  I wanted to kick it off in a special way so I invited Tom to come lead worship for us.  He actually had another gig lined-up but he wanted to come come help us out and the guy who originally had him booked was very gracious in allowing Tom to be with us instead.

In all honesty, it wasn't as big a night as I hoped it would be.  We didn't have a room full of kids (we were in the gym instead of the youth room which was still being used by teams) and I don't really remember much about the night.

What I remember is Tom's servant heart to be with us...and I remember all the other times, mostly at Super Summer, when I was always thrilled to worship with him.

Obviously I haven't been in "Youth Ministry" in Mississippi now for like, 7 years (has it been that long ago?) and I haven't kept up with Tom much except through Facebook...but what I know in so doing is that he has continued to impact a generation in Mississippi and beyond.  He's a staple worship-leader for myriad churches and youth leaders.  He is a worshiper; and he brings others with him. My "well-done" really doesn't mean much...but I believe he'll hear it in eternity and it will mean a whole lot more.


I have a couple of his CD's which I don't think are on ITunes but his two latest projects are available there. By all means check it out on ITunes and www.tomedwardsband.com

30 Days of Praise...or less...or something like that.

November 4- I went back to the song shuffle mode on my IPad again today and stopped at the first artist that I personally know and it landed on Bethany Barr Phillips.

She's on ITunes and has a website www.bethanybarrphillips.com.

Bethany has been one of my favorite worship leaders for a long time...in fact, I've loved worshiping under her leadership since she was in about the 9th grade! Seriously.

I don't remember exactly when I first met Bethany but I distinctly remember her singing for us in Blue School at Mississippi Super Summer back in the very late 90's.  I remember her singing the old song, "One Name Under Heaven" and rocking the hippie-ish "free, really free my friend"  and then "God is gonna move in this pla a a a a a ce".  I remember her as a student at Super Summer by day but taking the stage at night to sing back-up with the camp worship leader Dave Hunt.

She's come a LONG WAY!

Sometime in the early 2000's, Bethany was a college student and was leading worship for youth events.  I invited her to lead worship and be a girls small group leader at my DiscipleNow Weekend in Gulfport, MS. Of course she was phenomenal...but for more than just leading worship.  She empowered the girls in my youth group, especially a few budding musician/worship leaders.  Really, I credit Bethany with being such an incredible catalyst for some of the kids in my church and I look back on that time as the beginning of an exceptional youth worship band at our church.

Bethany went on to marry a Pro Baseball Player (who is a college coach now I think) and in recent years she's really started to take-off well beyond the confines of Youth Group DischipleNow Weekends! She's both headlining events and sharing the stage with lots of big names. But not just because of her great voice and talent or musical experience (having done this for quite a few years now!).

No...she's where she is because, as one of the testimonials on her website says, "she leads out of a place she lives...in the presence of God."  She's still a young one (always will be to me, I guess!) but she's faced cancer and losing a baby.  Her songwriting and music reflect those struggles but also the ever-present Jesus that  walked with her through those trials. Her album, "Roots Run Deep" addresses those trials,  with pain and honesty and with the hope we have in Christ.  I especially like the songs "Treasure", "Lamb of God" and "Mother's Arms".  The title track from her EP Show Love  was written in response to the call to be the hands and feet of God after the 2011 Tornado's near her home in Alabama.  I really like "Satisfied" on that album.

Thanks, Bethany, for making my music selection on my IPad better, but moreso for encouraging me with your life and music.

30 Days of Praise...or something like that.

I did this a few years ago... the blog-a-day about some of the blessings in my life. Last week I had an idea for a twist on that.  I was listening to some music while doing some woodworking and I was thinking about how a lot of the music on my IPad is from artist that I personally know.  So I'm going to attempt to speak some praise and encouragement about some people and music that are special to me. This series might not be limited to music artist; maybe I'll throw in some guys/gals I know that are involved in some other ministries. And I probably won't try to do this everyday.

First up, hitting "Artist" on my IPad and then Shuffle...and going until I see the first artist that I know.

November 1- Chris Telfer.

Chris is a rugged Colorado guy that was on the World Race with me back in 2007.  I don't think I've seen him since then but we're still Facebook friends and he also married one of the fabulous girls that traveled with us so I'm able to sort of keep up with them via FB and Instagram.  He and his lovely wife Jenny have a little girl and a baby boy.

Chris is a great worship leader, a great songwriter, guitar player, and singer.  He's led many a worship session in places all over the world.  Since returning home he's released a couple of albums (available on ITunes).  I highly recommend his stuff.  He also has a website: http://christelfermusic.com/

Chris's songwriting is really honest, transparent, real.  Most of his music is acoustic guitar driven and mellow; some of it is really catchy but not in a sold-out pop music way.

Sitting here listening to some excerpts of his music and it's hard to pick a favorite.

His 2012 Album called MATOO (Men Against the Trafficking of Others- an organization another former World Racer founded) features a title track called Matoo.  It's an anti-trafficking song in the vein of the great folk-commentary songs of the Civil Rights era.

Child Listen Closely features sweet guitar picking and some catchy "ladadada's" as well as a message probably inspired by the birth of his first child.

Dead Things Come Alive is probably my favorite track on this album.  It reminds me a lot of the culture of the World Race of speaking life over one another.

Chris's 2010 Album, Rooted Deep, features a little more musical diversity.  I really dig the Mandolin (I think) in I Will Remember and the harmonica (and message) in Lift.

Good stuff and I'm glad to say I know the guy!

I'm not what I once was and now I know, I'm not yet what I will be.

One of the things I miss most living here in Ukraine is the chance to do something with my hands- to work on something, to tinker.  Earlier this year I moved into an unfurnished apartment and almost immediately set to the challenge of building some corner shelves and a coffee table.  

I REALLY enjoyed it.  And it was a challenge.  I didn't have any tools here.  Back in Mississippi I still have a storage unit FULL of tools. Back in Mississippi I've got enough tools to rebuild a car or build a house.  Here in Ukraine I think I had a screwdriver and a pair of pliers before I started building furniture.

I still don't have all the toys I need (or want) but I have enough stuff now to not have to go completely Amish.  

A few days ago I noticed a pile of double pane wooden window frames, most with the glass still in them piled outside where someone in the apartment is obviously remodeling; probably upgrading to plastic frames and fancy insulated windows.  I grabbed two of the smaller windows frames; I'm going to build matching glass-top, shadow-box end tables with them.

As I began this week chipping and sanding decades of white paint off the frames it looks like there's nothing special about the wood underneath.  It was probably the cheapest utility wood that would do the job back in the 70's when this building was built.  

But I have a feeling I'll be able to bring some new life to them.

I know "reclaiming" old stuff is a fad these days.  I'm ok with that.  It makes sense to re-imagine and re-use stuff.  And it has so much more character than anything (EVERYTHING) from Ikea, right?

And there's that whole redemption thing.

I've got a bunch of layers on me.  Some of them toxic, really.  I wouldn't be surprised if this paint I'm chipping and sanding isn't lead-based.  (One of the benefits of being a 50 year old single guy is that I don't give a crap about the safety hazard!  But I digress.) 

There's something beautiful about chipping away at all that junk though and exposing something that's been lost for years: The grain of the wood- even if it's the cheap stuff, the craftsmanship of tongue and groove and nails instead of whatever those things are that hold Ikeacrap together.  And all that newly exposed wood takes on new life and new beauty with some fresh coats of Stain- not layers of lead-based paint that masks everything (the beauty as well as the flaws), but Stain that gets absorbed so as to intensify and accentuate what's there rather than cover it up.  

And doesn't that piece of furniture look so much better when you spent hours sanding it by hand or when you added a layer of Stain and a light sanding everyday for one or two weeks?

My life is stained for sure.  Stain is difficult to remove. Stain is absorbed and becomes a part of who you are.  Removing it takes a LOT of time; you have to cut deep to get it out and by the time you do that you might just destroy what you're working on.  Stains aren't all bad then. Like I said, it intensifies and accentuates the character; actually, it contributes to the character most of the time.

One more thing I like about this reclamation fad is the idea of re-purposing.  I like the idea of taking something useless and giving it a reason to live again.  I can do it with a piece of wood; God can do it with a living, human being.  I think only He really knows what our shelf-life is supposed to be and until that time comes we might be a window frame for a while and then a table and then who knows what.  He chips away at what we're hiding behind and we drape ourselves in it just about as fast. He chips away some more and eventually reveals what's underneath.  The stains we absorb, the dents and scratches and scars become a part of us for better or worse.  

Ah the stories my little end tables could tell.  I started out as a tree in Hungary and I watched the world at war around me.  Then I became a window to the world below me and a window into the lives of countless families peering through me for 40 years.  One day I was tossed aside to be replaced by something newer and prettier but then I was rescued. Some scars were too deep to be repaired but scars are just tatoos that tell a story.  The next thing I knew I was a table that held food and drinks and family pictures and housed personal treasures.  One day I was tossed aside expecting to be replaced by something newer and prettier but then I was rescued. I'm not what I once was and now I know, I'm not yet what I will be.

Check back in a few weeks to see how it turns out!

Alzheimer's

Five years ago on June 6, 2009 (D-Day + 55) I wrote this blog in honor of my Daddy (born on June 6 just 12 years before the famous invasion of Europe in 1944).

http://ministryhappens.blogspot.com/2009/06/d-day-my-dads-birthday.html

Today, my brother and sister-in-law are driving him from his beloved Mississippi to Georgia where he will, tomorrow, become a resident of a nursing home.

Several weeks ago- not long at all-he started suffering severe delusions and hallucinations.  He had already been "seeing things"- something we thought had more to do with his progressive Macular Degeneration and subsequent loss of sight.  But a few weeks ago things apparently took a nosedive. He was admitted at a hospital where he diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

None of us saw it coming.

None of us are able to give him the specialized care he needs.

None of us live in a safe-enough environment for him to live even if we could be at his beck-and-call 24 hours a day.

And so this morning he was finally released from the hospital; by tomorrow he should be a new resident of a nursing home that's as nice as nursing homes can be.  It's a place where my oldest sister and her husband- and even my mother- have volunteered for years and so they already know the staff and many of the residents.  I even spoke there about Ukraine when I was in the States this past Spring and found many of the residents there that evening to be very knowledgeable about current events.

In the weeks that he's been in the hospital I've heard about the good days and the bad days and the atrocious days.  Hopefully properly balanced medication and a safe environment and a routine will eliminate the atrocious days.  On those days, as I've heard about them, it seems his shell is the only vestige of who he is; who he always has been.  On the good days of course, it's still Daddy inside and out; albeit quite confused about what's happening to him and around him.

At this point we're not entirely sure he understands what's happening today; what will happen tomorrow when, at the end of the day, my brother and sis-in-law take their leave and go back to Mississippi.

Daddy won't be alone. My sister and brother-in-law and Mom are nearby.

And you know, if you read the blog I wrote 5 years ago you might see that, my Dad is the most social "introvert" I've ever known.  Being around people; being able to tell stories- even if they stem from an Alzheimer's induced delusion- might be good for him.

I have felt so bad for my sisters and brother over these past several weeks.  I hate that they're the ones having to make these hard decisions; having to make this tough drive today.  I hate that I'm thousands of miles away.  And at the same time- I hate that I'm sometimes glad that I am thousands of miles away.

I'm hoping and praying for good days for my Dad.  I'll get back to the States in December I think and I hope to be there for some good days.