Trust Falling

Last week many of the kids we regularly visit at the regional baby orphanage in Svalyava were sick and the Director didn't want us to visit.  Today we enjoyed an unplanned visit (another orphanage visit fell through at the last minute so we called the Director in Svalyava and he said we could visit today).

These kids are funny.  We were picking on our friend Katya today because one of the kids (my current favorite) gave me a really sweet goodbye hug and then initially just waved goodbye to Katya- like, "yeah, whatever, see ya".  (She eventually relented and gave Katya a proper goodbye hug).  Katya reminded me of the very first time we visited when NONE of the kids had anything to do with me.  It was disheartening to say the least.

But for the last few visits there's one kid that has latched-on to me.  Her name is Kristina.  She loves to run into my arms and sit in my lap and play contentedly for a few minutes with one toy or another.  Like all of those kids, she has a 30 second attention span.  She'll play contentedly for that long and then go find something else to do.  But then she'll come running back to me with arms wide like Billy Graham giving an invitation.

Today we all entered their playroom- at least 3 of the other volunteers were in front of me.  I could see Kristina looking for me.  As each volunteer entered the room, Kristina would almost jump in to their arms but then back away at the last second.  She was looking for me.  Finally, when I entered the room she jumped into my arms for a big hug.  Just as quickly, she was back down on the floor and running around.  A minute later she started running to me again, again with her arms wide open.  I did what any sensible person would do and immediately knelt down so I could receive the impending hug.  She ran right up to me with her little arms as wide as can be and at the last second just stopped, did a 180, and fell backwards into my arms.  At first it felt like, "psych, you just thought you were getting a hug".  But upon a little reflection I think it was an awesome display of trust.  She turned her back to me and plopped backwards knowing full well that I would catch her in my embrace.  She did a little trust fall.

I think about trust-falling into God's embrace.  In my head I know He CAN catch me; even that He WILL catch me.  But more times than not, I just don't choose to turn and fall.  Ah, to have the faith of a child.

Pictures...just for fun

Early last year while looking for ministry opportunities for visiting World Racers I learned about the abandoned babies at our local children's hospital.  We were able to hook the Racers up with a regular gig of just going to the hospital and holding babies every day.  If you are there at the right time you usually get to feed them, and if there are diapers available then you can change them...otherwise they sit in it all day!  The babies are almost always under-stimulated and sometimes under-developed, at least in terms of building muscle and coordination that comes with being played with and challenged.  We probably all know about those studies that indicate how babies need to be held...and I can definitely see a difference between these kids who aren't cuddled and played with versus children I know who are growing up in loving families.

So, we go.  It's a ministry that's grown from something we do with "teams" when they are in town, to something several of us do on a weekly basis.  There are as many Ukrainians that go every week as there are us American missionaries.

Naturally we grow attached to the babies.  So much so that several months ago one of our young (college aged) Ukrainian volunteers decided to track down what happens once the kids leave the Children's Hospital. Some of them are returned to their families, some enter foster care or perhaps are adopted here in Ukraine (they aren't available for international adoption until after their 5th year and in accordance with a handful of other conditions).  If they don't find families, then they go to a sure-enough Baby Orphanage.  Our intrepid Ukrainian volunteer (I'll call her Anna...because that's her name) found out where and how we could go visit the children there.  Since then a growing group of us (a new volunteer almost every week here lately) has been making the almost 90 minute trip by bus or train about once a week to spend a few hours with a group of 2-3 year toddlers.  We love it.  You would too.  And you know what? None of this is in my "job description"; this all falls in the category of personal ministry...and it's the favorite thing I do.

Finally, another blog

Once again, I've been more than a month remiss in writing a blog...and so much has happened in the month!

To begin, a friend from the States was here all of August to hold babies and go to the baby orphanage with us.  To be honest, there really wasn't a whole lot going in August in terms of being here for a "mission trip".  Ukraine kind of shuts down in August.  Families go on extended vacation to the Sea and to other cool places.  A lot of my regular "contacts", the Ukrainians I work with and rely on to translate and get me in and out of jams, were on vacation leaving Amy and I to fend for ourselves.

In addition to that I spent the last week and a half of August near Stuttgart, Germany at a retreat/conference with many of the International Teams workers in Europe.  The conference itself wasn't quite restful enough to be a "retreat" and maybe not "meaty" enough to be the kind of conference that exploded my brain and sent me home telling everyone that I learned "so much"... but it was nice.  The highlight was getting to visit with some of the friends I made in Chicago back in 2011 during our initial Access Training with ITeams.  They are serving in England, Spain, Rome...and I got to meet workers in maybe 10 other countries.  It was exciting to learn about their ministries.

At the conclusion of the conference I rented a car and spent 3 days in the Alps.  I love mountains and I got to spend a few days not only being in the mountains of Switzerland, Lichtenstein, and France... but I got to DRIVE.  A Stickshift!  In the Alps!  I hit it perfectly- cool weather, NO CROWDS at all.  Just me and some of the finest mountain roads I've ever seen.

Another highlight was that my sweet friend Thuy from St Louis (originally from Long Beach, MS and formerly a kid in my youth group in Gulfport) was in Geneva on business and I was able to spend Sunday morning with her.  What a treat!

Finally, I returned home a couple weeks ago and I've been trying to get caught up on some rest and get back into a routine.  I'm trying to put more effort into language study.  I really want to whittle down my weekly schedule to just my obligations at church and language study...with at least a day a week either at the baby orphanage or the baby hospital and of course my IT obligations.

I have another blog in me...about going to the 2014 Winter Olympics but I think I'll wait a few days before I write it.

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, and Exhaustion and Stress, Oh My!

I want to convey somehow just how exhausted and stressed I am.  Why?  So you can pray for me I guess.  So I can just vent for a few minutes.  So I can give all 7 of my regular readers a glimpse of the glamorous life of an overseas missionary/American Ex-Pat.

It seems like I've been going hard at least since April.  I traveled like crazy that month!  In May I hosted a World Race Team and they were great and really didn't require much from me; still, you feel responsible for your kids, right?

In June I went to America for 2 weeks.  That was a whirlwind trip- not exactly restful.  Upon returning with a month-long volunteer in tow we hit the ground running working at 2 Summer Camps.  By Summer Camp, I mean camping in tents and using outhouses.  It was rainy and cold the first camp.  It was hot and cold the 2nd camp.  Between camps it seems like I was involved in a higher number of social events than usual.  Social events drain the life out of me.  I really do like cooking and hosting friends...but it's work!

I escorted Tonya (our volunteer) back to Budapest and then returned to Ukraine for yet another camp- this one hotter than the first two and I taught classes every day.  Oh yeah, I spent the week before trying to prepare for teaching.

A few days after that Camp I returned to Budapest to retrieve another volunteer. A few days later I coached and preached at a church that takes all day to get to via a HOT, uncomfortable train and an even hotter, more uncomfortable bus.

Have I mentioned yet that I started the process for the renewal of my VISA back in April and it's still going on.  It could be resolved finally in the morning...but then again, it might drag on.  If the process isn't finished in 10 days then I'll be in some sort of violation probably resulting in a fine but possibly resulting in being deported (although no one knows of anyone that has happened to).  Still, it's stressful.  This should have been completed MONTHS ago!

I'm going to Germany at the end of next week for a conference.  I originally envisioned it being a retreat.  Since then I've learned it might be a rather serious conference where I'm expected to attend the sessions.  Actually, I brought some of that on myself - for some reason I volunteered to serve in the worship band when I registered several months ago so now I'm stressed about learning a dozen or more new songs and being prepared to play the guitar and maybe sing twice a day at the conference.  After the conference, I'll meet my friend who is currently volunteering with us back in Budapest and make sure she gets safely back on her return flight home.

And dude, I am tired.  I am wiped out.  September should slow down except that our church's worship leader will be gone that month and our worship band will probably be leading every week.

I've actually thought of moving to Kiev for the Fall and taking up formal language lessons again but right now it's just an idea and something else to stress over.

Some of you may have read on Facebook that I received an invitation/acceptance letter to be a volunteer at the Olympics.  The initial excitement was tempered quickly by the fact that there's about 500 pages of Russian background material to read and some tests to take.  I really didn't have time to stress too much about that though because the next day (yesterday) I got an email informing me that the acceptance letter was a technical error and they'd let me know later if I am accepted or not.  I'm not sure which is more stressful- knowing I'm going and knowing how much I have to do to prepare, or not knowing at all if I'm going.

So I'm tired and stressed and you can probably guess that prayer and meditation and resting in the Lord hasn't been my mainstay for most of the summer.  Funny how that happens isn't it?  You're busy doing good stuff that you know requires a lot of spiritual preparation, a lot of knee-time...but you're so busy you don't have time to prepare (I know, I know...it's really more about me not making the time).  In fact it feels like all of time is completely in everyone else's hands- like you (I) have no control at all over what I want to do or need to do.  I know I need Sabbath, I know I need rest, I know I need to pray and just be with and seek God.  I want to take the evening off- nope, I'm needed at a meeting.  I want to go hold babies- nope, there might (or might not) be a meeting about the VISA.  I want to take a couple days off and just sleep late and do brainless stuff and eventually get around to some long-needed prayer time.  Nope, stuff is going on that requires that I be "on" and engaged.  And all that is just exhausting and stressful.

And on top of all that, when I go back and re-read this little post I feel like a whiny baby because I know people right now that are experiencing real stress: A friend is having brain surgery any time now.  A friend is signing divorce papers.  A friend is learning to cope with a severely handicapped child.  That makes me feel like a punk because I'm not getting enough "Me Time".  And that's stressful, too.

The Prodigal Father- Part 5

Luke 15:20- But while we was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

And so we finally come to the last of those verbs in verse 20- the father KISSED him.  What pray tell might be the antonym, the opposite of the verb "to kiss"?

Some of my young Ukrainian friends suggested the opposite of to KISS might be to HIT.  We tossed a couple of other ideas around and we settled on this.

The opposite of to KISS is to withhold affection or withhold love.

You see, in trying to come up with an antonym for the verb, to kiss- we sort of necessarily had to deal with the noun, kiss.  We decided that a kiss is in many ways a symbol.  It's symbolic of affection and love.  Or at least it should be.  In our world today a kiss is casual; it has lost so much of it's meaning, so much of it's value.

I told the kids a story from my college/post-college days.  I liked this girl named Karen.  We were pretty good friends my last year in college.  After college she was probably the first college friend I knew that bought a house!  Whenever I was in Starkville I would hang-out with her.  We didn't really "date", but we did spend quite a bit of time together and we talked on the phone a few nights a week.  So...there was this budding relationship.  One Saturday night after we had cooked dinner and listened to Mississippi State beat USM on the radio I got ready to go home and mustered the courage to ask her if I could kiss her goodnight. I was really proud of myself for being such a gentleman!

She said no.

I was crushed.  I thought there was something there.  And I was mad at her.  And I was mad at myself for even asking her in the first place.  I stewed and brewed until Sunday morning.  I don't have a clue what the Pastor preached about but the Holy Spirit spoke to me about my expectations and about the meaning of a kiss.  I wanted to kiss her because I felt like I deserved it and because it seemed like the next logical step in our "relationship".  But what the Spirit told me is that a kiss should be a reflection of love from the heart and not an exclamation point at the end of a date.  So I vowed from that day forward that if I ever kissed anyone again it would be an expression of love.

Now, it's interesting that Paul encourages the church to kiss one another with a holy kiss- a form of greeting-and of course a display of affection.  I'm sure he's not talking about a passionate, full-on, tongue-in-mouth kiss.  But what really caught my attention when looking at those passages is that on every occasion (I think) where Paul instructs the church to kiss one another, the verb is coupled with the adverb "holy", i.e., "greet one another with a holy kiss." When Peter wrote his epistle he instructed his readers to greet one another with a "kiss of love".

Do you see a trend?  If this greeting, this brotherly and sisterly expression of affection was intended to be "holy" and a display of "love", then how much moreso a romantic kiss?

And if a kiss is a holy thing, a sacred thing, a powerful expression of love and affection...then how much more tragic is the fact that Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss?

So the father kissed his young son in an entirely appropriate, holy, with-love kind of way.  He didn't withhold love or affection.  He certainly didn't hit his child if that's an acceptable opposite of "to kiss".  And God our Father doesn't withhold his love and affection, either.  If you feel like that's what He's doing then I suggest one of two things is happening: 1) You are out of fellowship with Him; you've turned your back towards him and you don't know he's looking for you and full of compassion he's running after you, eager to embrace and show affection towards you.  Or 2) You're believing a lie from the pit of hell that says God is hateful and vindictive and is just looking for a time and place to crush your spirit.  That's not what this narrative tells us about God.

The Prodigal Father- Part 4

Luke 15:20- But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

So today we're looking at the 4th incredible verb in that passage- here of course it says "threw" his arms around him, but in another version it simply says EMBRACED and that's what we'll go with today.

I asked my young Ukrainian friends what they thought the antonym for EMBRACED would be and they almost unanimously thought the opposite of EMBRACED is REJECTED.  There was at least one response of "pushed away" which is pretty good too and really, says the same thing.

How hard is rejection?  It's something we've all dealt with and I think it's one of the most powerful tools in the enemy's arsenal.  I've struggled with it all of my life.

While surfing the internet in preparation for this sermon I ran across an atheist website that presented a terribly negative commentary on this parable.  In the writer's opinion the whole story is "jacked up" because everything about it is "unfair" in his view.  The writer felt like God (represented by this father) is weak because he let the boy off the hook and the outcome is unfair to the older brother.  I'd like to ask that writer a series of "what if" questions.  What if it were your son?  What if it were you!?  Would you really be that hardcore and reject your own son (assumed dead but now discovered to be alive!!) and tell him, "nope, sorry son- you had your chance and you blew it.  Depart from me because I never knew you"?

Now that phrase reminds us of something, doesn't it?  In Matthew 7:21-23 Jesus describes how, at the end of it all, many who call Him "Lord" will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, but the ones who do the will of God will enter.  He goes on to say that they will attempt to justify their lives by saying, "hey, we called you Lord, we did great things in your name"...and He (Jesus) will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from me".

Chilling words, indeed.  I think the key though is in Jesus' first phrase (at least in this version), that is, "I never knew you....".  Those who will enter are those who are known (and know) Jesus.  The ones in relationship with Him.  Get that? It's more about who we know than what we know (or did, or didn't do).

What the young son did with his inheritance; how he obtained it in the first place (which is pretty despicable if it really means that he's wishing his father were dead already as a lot of sermons suggest); the kind of disgusting life he led and how that reflected on the good family name............. all that is irrelevant because of the relationship!  It's the relationship, dummy!  This is the father's son.  That's all that matters.  That's why the father EMBRACED him instead of rejecting him.

While thinking about this verb, EMBRACED, I thought of another verse in Matthew- this one a little off the wall, maybe:

Matthew 23:37 says, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!

You are NOT rejected by God the Father.  He wants to embrace you.

In Rembrandt's famous painting, The Return of The Prodigal- notice the father's hands- one is larger and more masculine looking, the other smaller, softer and more receptive...suggesting both mothering and fathering.  Our Heavenly Father wants to gather you like a hen gathers her brood under her wing!

The Prodigal Father- Part 3

Luke 15:20- But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him,; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

We're looking at these 5 awesome verbs tucked away in Luke 15:20- almost centrally located in the narrative commonly known as the story of Prodigal Son.  SAW.  FILLED (with Compassion).  RAN.  EMBRACED (threw his arms around him).  And, KISSED.

Again, when I was preaching this sermon (both times) I asked my audience of junior high and later, high school, Ukrainian kids to tell me what they thought the antonym for each of these verbs would be.

RAN is pretty simple I guess and all the answers I got were pretty interesting.  

They said the opposite of RAN (to his son) is to run away from his son.  Another good idea I thought was "hiding" and yet another was "to NOT be moved".  

The first idea is perhaps the most direct "opposite", ie, to run away from.  But that last idea resonated with me more I think.  The idea of "not being moved" is haunting.  I don't know about you but I want what I do and what I say- especially as it relates to "Kingdom work"-  to move people.  What if what you said and did failed to "move" people?  Would you feel like you have no voice?  Would you feel like what you do doesn't matter?

What would that young son had felt and thought if his return failed to move his father?  What if there was no restoration? No party? No acknowledgement whatsoever.  What if the father had treated his son as if he were "dead to me".  

But that's not what the father did and it's not what our Heavenly Father does.  He RUNS toward us. I had this random thought while preparing for this sermon: A lot of people don't get the concept of God looking for us much less RUNNING toward us.  Why is that?  Well, until we repent and turn towards God ourselves then we don't know what's going on behind us.  God is pursuing us but we're too busy running away from Him to notice.

Stop it.  Quit running.  Turn around and see who's running toward you!

I mentioned at the close of yesterdays blog that there's a link between being "FILLED (with Compassion) and RUN".  Here's the link: Running is related to being filled with compassion because compassion is not a passive idea, it's not a feeling.  When you walk by a hurting person and feel sorry for them but fail to do anything about their pain, that is a feeling I suppose but it's not really, truly, compassion.  Compassion is active.  Compassion moves you to action.  Being "FILLED with Compassion" demands movement.  That's why the father RAN.  

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention what you've probably heard in a 100 sermons about this story: Don't leave here without getting this absurd picture in your mind.  This, probably well-to-do father, probably up in his years, probably dressed in a long robe with perhaps a layer or two underneath....RUNS.  He lifts up the layers and maybe ties them about his waist or just holds them with one hand- flashing his old, pasty white legs to everyone...get the picture?  This is conduct unbecoming a respectable businessman/father.  This is undignified.  

And he apparently doesn't care what it looks like.  And we have the audacity sometimes to be ashamed of Him!

I wanted to use the song, "When God Ran", somewhere in my sermon but it's in English so I opted not to use it but I couldn't help but think of it when I was preparing this part of the sermon.

"When God Ran"

[Verse 1:]
Almighty God, The Great I Am, 
Immovable Rock, Omnipotent, Powerful,
Awesome Lord.
Victorious Warrior, Commanding King of Kings,
Mighty Conqueror and the only time,
The only time I ever saw him run,
Was when...

[Chorus:]
He ran to me,
He took me in His arms, 
Held my head to His chest,
Said "My son's come home again!"
Lifted my face, 
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice He said
"Son, do you know I still love You?"

He caught me By surprise, When God ran...

[Verse 2:]
The day I left home,
I knew I'd broken His heart.
And I wondered then, if things could ever be the same.
Then one night,
I remembered His love for me.
And down that dusty road, ahead I could see,
It was the only time,
It was the only time I ever saw Him run.
And then...

[Repeat Chorus]

He caught me by surprise.
And He brought me to my knees.
When God ran... I saw Him run to me.

[Bridge:]
I was so ashamed, all alone, and so far away.
But now I know, that He's been waiting for this day...

I saw Him run to me,
He took me in His arms, 
Held my head to his chest,
Said "My son's come home again!"
Lifted my face, 
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice 
I felt his love for me again.
He ran to me,
He took me in His arms, 
Held my head to his chest,
Said "My son's come home again!"
Lifted my face, 
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice 
He said "Son"
He called me Son.
He said "Son, do you know I still love You?"
He ran to me (When God Ran)
(I saw Him run to me) 
And then I ran to Him 
(When God ran)
When God ran