It's official. Derek Webb's 2004 CD, "The House Show" has surpassed all other albums and songs on my IPOD Play Count. That means I've played it over and over and over more than anything else in the last year and half.
If you don't already own the CD then you're missing out on an all-time-classic. I think I bought the CD soon after it was released in'04 and then promptly gave it to someone in The 605 Band as was my habit back in the day.
I don't remember when I bought it on ITunes but at some point last year during The World Race I listened to it for the first time in a long time and since then I've listened to it repeatedly.
In addition to amazing songs, there's amazing commentary interspersed throughout the CD in the form of "introductions" to the various songs. I thought about transcribing them...but that's a lot of work so here's a summary.
In his "Intro to Nobody Loves Me", Derek tells the story of the reformer Martin Luther and how his congregation grumbled because it seemed to them that he preached "the Gospel" week after week. Luther's reason was that every week they forgot it! That week after week they came into church looking like people that didn't believe the Gospel. Derek Webb's own confession is that he too forgets the Gospel. He says in his "Intro to I Repent" that he needs to hear the Gospel and we need to tell it to one another because by the time he goes to sleep at night he's not going to believe it again. And he said in his "Intro to Wedding Dress",
". . . II don’t believe the Gospel . . . um . . .I don’t believe that Christ is really sufficient for me, I don’t believe that he’ll really meet all my needs, um, I don’t. I struggle . . . to believe that…um, ok, and you can see that by the way I live. Um and because I don’t believe that I all too often, um “give in”, am convinced or wooed by what some theologians have called “lovers less wild” than Jesus, the Great Lover of our Souls. Other lovers as Scripture calls them as well that would seek to convince us they can satisfy us, uh, convince us that they um can safely bear our sin, that we’ll be safe and secure um that they can satisfy us in ways that in fact only our Savior can."
So why all the commentary about The House Show? Because I can relate so much right now in my life. Particularly in the area of trusting God to meet my needs. To be with me wherever I go. To speak to me and lead me. I don't believe it. My hesitancy in moving on in ministry is testimony to that fact. It's really easy to hide behind being busy. It's easy to hide behind "research" and "making plans" to go overseas.
You see, I can wake up trusting Him and can sit and write a killer ministry plan and before I go to bed at night I'm second guessing and discovering contingencies I hadn't thought of before.
Even though going overseas seems like the next logical step for me; a place my "spiritual markers" seem to be pointing me to the fact is: It's a step I'm scared to take.
The good news is this: I was scared to jump off the Stari Most Bridge in Bosnia too. I just stood there for the longest. People were beginning to wonder if I was actually going to do it. I had to pray. I had to think about it. I had to gather up my courage. And then . . .without notice or warning . . . I jumped. I don't know what made the moment "right". It was just time.
4 comments:
Awesome... you put into words what we all feel... and exactly what Michael and I were talking about the other night in relation to stepping out in faith and trusting God to provide... it's scary sometimes because we can't see the outcome... but isn't that what faith is... stepping out when you can't see... just trusting that He's there... loving you, little brother...
skeered is okay, now if you start getting skuurred, you're in trouble.
I think your insight and perspective on this is God given and I know that you will do what He has planned for you.
You won't believe this.
I was telling Ryan two weekends ago about this vivid dream I had. I don't often have dreams I remember, but this was one clear, and it came right before my first day at my new job. You and I were the main characters. We were next to each other, each strapped to a harness, as though we were repelling down a rock wall. All these people were watching. We had to decide to release ourselves and jump into the water below. I kept telling you I didn't want to jump. (Ok, so the sad part is that I didn't come back up...)
I read your post, and I felt an eerie (or divine?) sense that the dream was about our having to stop being afraid and take the plunge - wherever that may be. For me, it was accepting a new job, which I had been nudged to apply for twice and turned down. But I think I originally said no more out of fear, because I'd have to stretch way outside my comfort zone.
Anyway, I love you, friend. And I continue to pray for you and your sense of God's hand right smack in the middle of all your plans, and those doubts.
Hey, Figured I should check out your blog since you wrote such a nice comment on mine. :) Great blog! Don't know the bad, but they sound very cool, will have to check them out, but maybe won't get completely skeered? Anyway...just wanted to encourage you (although it looks like you have sufficient encouragers in your life), that just like jumping off the bridge, God knows when you will be ready to do what you need to do and it is HIM that works in you to both to will and to do His good pleasure! Keep going, He will get you where He wants you all in His good timing! To quote a good friend of mine..."You just have to believe that God is more able to keep you in His will than you are able to mess it up!" God bless!
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