The day is over with now. Yesterday was March 12- it just passed a few minutes ago for me here in Ukraine.
Three years ago yesterday I lost Kim.
I'm not sure what I expected of the day. I approached it earlier this week with a certain sense of ...confusion... not knowing what I would feel. Not knowing how I should feel.
As it turns out, I went through the day just generally numb. No strong emotions. No emotions at all really. I spent some relatively uninspiring time with the Lord to start my day. I finished homework. I went to the bank. I attended class. I bought groceries and cooked and cleaned-up after myself. I just went through the day doing what I needed and was supposed to do.
And now I feel like I missed something.
There are two scenes that bookend the movie, "Saving Private Ryan", where the "now" Ryan is reminiscing about the events that led up to his rescue. He wonders aloud if the sacrifice was worth it. It's certainly not a direct analogy: Kim didn't give her life for me.
But I do want to live up to what I feel would be her expectations of me. I don't want to screw it up! I want my life to count. Her's sure as heck did.
Three years ago yesterday I lost Kim.
I'm not sure what I expected of the day. I approached it earlier this week with a certain sense of ...confusion... not knowing what I would feel. Not knowing how I should feel.
As it turns out, I went through the day just generally numb. No strong emotions. No emotions at all really. I spent some relatively uninspiring time with the Lord to start my day. I finished homework. I went to the bank. I attended class. I bought groceries and cooked and cleaned-up after myself. I just went through the day doing what I needed and was supposed to do.
And now I feel like I missed something.
There are two scenes that bookend the movie, "Saving Private Ryan", where the "now" Ryan is reminiscing about the events that led up to his rescue. He wonders aloud if the sacrifice was worth it. It's certainly not a direct analogy: Kim didn't give her life for me.
But I do want to live up to what I feel would be her expectations of me. I don't want to screw it up! I want my life to count. Her's sure as heck did.
